It’s New Year’s Eve and the wind is blowing hard and cold. It’s a day to hunker down and enjoy the warmth of inside but grocery shopping pulled me out and those hungry birds outside needed food in their feeders.
I can’t complain since I spent the time after our Christmas Eve service until Friday afternoon in Christmas jammies. ( I just want to clarify here — it wasn’t the same pair of Christmas jammies the whole time and there was a shower in that time period also…just saying!)
Anyways, I posted last week about how I was taking time to relax, reflect and read. Well, I’m pretty happy about all three things and feel I did them all justice. In this week’s time, I have read 3 books and I’m laughing my way through the fourth—The Father of the Bride, 1948 version. The relaxing has included movies, puzzling, eating out with friends, sleeping, napping and late nights of Rook.
Reflecting takes a little more effort but warm apple cider, journals and our big comfy chair by the lighted Christmas tree played well in my favor and made it all a bit easier.
Thinking back on 2013 and taking a little self-examination, I find it’s a big growth year for me—growth not always seen on the outside but definitely some deep internal workings. And what have I found?
I’ve found….I’m not as nice as I sometimes come off as being….I’m judgmental and over-critical of others and myself…
This year, I’ve travelled the road of grace a lot!!! Learning how far I fall short and how He still loves me despite my failures and shortcomings.
As much as I would like to portray myself as put together, I’m really just a messed-up, faulty mom, wife, and friend. I’m walking, even stumbling at times, along this road of grace.
What am I learning?
I’m learning… it’s okay to not have it all together. I’m learning grace towards myself. I’m learning to let things go and not be bothered by the little things. I’m learning to put my neck out and try something new, even if it scares me right out of my pants.
I started this blog at the end of January 2013. It’s been harder, scarier and more intimidating than I thought it would be. Yet at the same time, I’ve made some great blogging friends, learned oodles about HTML, editing, writing and re-writing, as well as having some great fun along the way. All things I wouldn’t have learned if I hadn’t taken the plunge…put myself out there.
I’ve learned… I’m a cautious person…more cautious than I ought to be. I like to play it safe and know the outcome before I feel confident in moving forward. But the craziness of faith is …stepping out and believing even when the end is not clearly seen.
Making a spontaneous decision and going forward is not me. It scares me and the more I think about the scenario, the more excuses I come up with in my head and then I talk myself out of going forward at all.
So what does this all mean?
It means I’m going forward. Forward into 2014! I’m not letting fear keep me back. Will I meet every goal? Maybe not, but I will be further down the path than I am now. Will I fail? Sometimes…and as a recovering perfectionist, I’m finding freedom in the imperfect.
I was half-joking with our staff yesterday when I said, “In 2014, I’m going to fail a lot.” It sounds pessimistic but in reality, it’s optimism. I’m daring to believe for something more. Something more than I can accomplish on my own and in my own strength. I’m daring to set aside the excuses, along with the fear, and instead fan into flame the gift of God, which is in me…For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:6-7)
This will be an exciting year filled with big and small leaps of faith. It will be a year of growing, learning and getting back up again after each fall.
Happy New Year y’all… and as Bebo Norman says, “Here goes nothing, Here goes everything…”