Today is my birthday and it feels like 12 months ago I wrote my last birthday post.
There’s something about continually getting older that I’m just now figuring out. When I was younger, I was always yearning to be older. I wanted to be 18 or even 25.
And then a shift came when I was no longer wanting to push time forward but instead wanting things to slow down. Mainly because my kids were growing up too fast and my wish to freeze frame time wasn’t coming true. Instead they were obtaining driver’s licenses, choosing colleges and flying across the country on their own.
I wasn’t needing to stop my age accumulation but more theirs. There are some moments I’d like to play back and watch again. But alas, time doesn’t grant us rewind so instead we all just keep moving forward in the calendar pages and marking off the days of time.
I’m 45 today.
I’ve now reached the point mathematically that if we’re rounding up I’m moving to the 50 spot and that’s completely unappealing.
It’s not that I feel old. Instead I feel like I’m just starting to get a good grasp on this whole living thing.
Here’s a list I’m finally moving from head knowledge to action steps and it all feels somewhat mature.
- My choices make me.
- I can do more than my insecurities whisper.
- My dreams are not beyond my grasp.
- Difficult tasks can be accomplished through perseverance and trying again.
- When I’m happy with myself I’m happier with others.
- My attitude is a reflection of what is going on inside.
I’m working at the whole quick to listen, slow to speak lesson. I’m listening more and speaking less. I am no way perfect in this because my tongue still takes off and I find myself apologizing for ill spoken words. I’m working on slowing the reaction time down between immediate thoughts and words out of the mouth. Yet sometimes the entrance ramp comes quickly on that verbal expressway. My kids might not always think so but in my mind I’m working it out. Some habits are hard to break.
My kids asked me what I wanted for my birthday because they know I’m a “gift giver/receiver” love language kind of person yet my gift wish list this year is empty unless I take up the beauty pageant contestant answer and speak out “World peace!” That would be a lovely gift on so many levels if it could only be possible. Yet the only power I have on my birthday is closed post offices, banks and government buildings and that’s not even my doing.
So instead I look at my simple life and whisper a prayer to Jesus for this upcoming year.
“Lord, help me be a light to this world.
- May my life reflect You in such a way that others see Your love in my words, actions and reactions.
- May the choices I make bring honor to Your name and may the small ways in which I show kindness to others be a larger reflection of Your love for them.
- May I forgive with true release, may I live with a spirit of genuine joy and may I work diligently and with intentionality towards Your purpose and plan for my life.
- May I not grow weary in doing good but may I work with perseverance so in 12 months when I write this birthday post again, we will see good things through Your work in and through our lives.
God, you are better to me than I deserve and your outpouring of grace in my life is truly undeserved and an amazing gift.
Thank you for the gifts in my life. Help me to use them well for Your good and Your honor so that those who see me, see You. In Jesus name, Amen.