I’ve made another trip around the sun.
Little Matthew pointed out I’m now the same number. — “4 and 4….how cool is that, Mommy?”
I’ve also reached a ½ way mark in my life. My years with Dave are now more than my years without him. We’ve been together for more than ½ my life.
Each new trip around the sun brings more moments to remember. Moments of joy and the not so joyful.
This was my first birthday with my Sam away at college and it was sad. There was a void at the table — something I’m still not altogether comfortable with.
Another sad is that birthdays just aren’t the same with Mom not being here…even after 11 years. There’s something about mom and birthdays that go together. She always sang a special song on our special day. She made it up some time early in our journey because I always remember her singing it. Each year without her song brings to the forefront the fact she’s not here.
With those things tumbling around in my mind, my birthday seemed a jumble.
I headed into Sunday morning a jumble of a mess. My thoughts were filled with memories from the years. — Birthdays with mom… first celebrations with Dave… little cards and pictures drawn by Sam…. all tumbling and jumbling around.
The worship team began singing and my mind continued tumbling through the years.
Tumbling over moments where His fingerprints are seen as evidence of His faithfulness.
- The young Sunday School years — learning about Cheese Nip crackers, flannel graphs and how Jesus loves me.
- The tough teen years filled with nights covered in a mama’s prayers.
- Finding love with the one who still holds my hand.
- Learning what it is to birth life. The nurse hands that life over for the first time and I wonder, “How do I hold this thing?” And now that thing has grown into herself and I’m wondering, “How do I let go?”
His faithfulness is in every moment.
As the worship songs continued, the tears came and gratitude swelled. Through the whole mix of the contemporary songs, I worshiped. At the end, Dave began playing that song from my childhood:
“I love you, Lord. And I lift my voice, to worship You, Oh, my soul, rejoice.
Take joy, my King, in what You hear. Let it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear.”
In my mind’s eye, I am 8 years old again. I’m standing at children’s camp with small arms raised and heart sincere. I softly sing out the words — “I love you, Lord…and I lift my voice…” I’m innocent, tender, and completely trusting in His faithful love.
Each turn around the sun reveals more fingerprints of His faithfulness.
This last Sunday for me, completed another turn. It reminded me that for 4 and 4 years He has been faithful; and for 4 and 4 more He will remain faithful still.
My prayer is that through this next turn of the sun, my voice will worship Him even more and that the words I speak and pound out through this keyboard will be a sweet sound to the One who hears.