Do I just need more coffee???


A good mamma would scold me and say: “Honey… you got out of bed on the wrong side.  Go back and crawl out the other side!”  I’m irritated at everything and nothing — all at the same time.  The coffee isn’t doing it and nothing else works either.

A week of weakness…I’m not strong.  I feel weak and beaten.  I’m aware of the spiritual pull and I’m losing…losing not because He is weak but because I choose to not lean into Him.

My pride takes a punch…a few.  A time of gaining ground comes— My head swells, pride balloons and “pop” —I’m deflated.  The winds are out of my sail and I’m floating in dead water.  No wind to move me forward…just flat in a large ocean.  The sun is beating overhead and I’m thirsty for water.  Thirsty for something real and tangible. I know what I need yet I continue to drift and struggle on my own instead of taking time to drink of Him…to wade into His Presence and be refreshed there.

My eyes look up toward the Son and the penetrating Light burns right through to me…the true me…to who I am.  How did I get here and how do I get back to shelter?  Away from the scorching pressure put on me by myself!

Bearing my soul is ugly…showing weakness is weak.  I’d rather show myself as one with everything together.

I look up again toward the Son, bright overhead and the Eternal God, the Everlasting, Never-Ending, Forever God reaches down and takes hold of me.  He draws me out of deep water…  He sustains and shields.(Psalm 18)  He’s my refuge, my hiding place, shelter….and underneath are those faithful, never-failing, everlasting arms. (Deut. 33:27 paraphrased)

Battling on my own only drains me…   The Answer:  Find Him—Move out of dead water and into the Living Water.

Tackling the To do list I compose and impose on myself will not bring me rest.  And trying to win the approval of others only brings strife, confusion and misrepresentation.  But my rest — my contentment of heart and mind comes through the knowledge of Him ~ Truth and who I am in Him.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to seperate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~ Romans 8:38-39

I stand complete in Him…His Grace reaches to me.  I find Him there…surrounding, building and strengthening my soul for another day in Him.

10 thoughts on “Do I just need more coffee???

  1. I sense Holy Spirit is moving here … and very often the first thing that needs redirecting, redesign and remodeling is me!

    Interestingly, this is Father asnswering my prayer … “I want to be a carrier of Your Glory in the Earth.” Do I really know what I am asking for??

    This I consider: When Father wants to do through me, He first (re)moves things around in me, making room for His deposit within to produce fruit from from The Vine.

    Ah yes, Heaven’s surgery … painful but profitable.

    Hang in there … the higher the heat – the sweeter the fruit! All for His Glory 🙂


  2. Excellent, Rachel, and a Word in due season for me. Taking one day at a time is the most arduous struggle I’ve ever endured. I have attempted it more than once and always failed and here I am at the starting point again learning to live in the moment: in Him, through Him, with no idea what the future will bring. It does not feel like victory, but I believe it is. The weaker I become, the stronger He is. It is easy to talk about walking in faith when you can see where you’re going; very difficult when you’re being pulled under in a tidal wave! (Or floating in dead water!)
    Blessings to you!


    • Blessings to you! I think of you all often. Praying for you all. You are enduring much and walking through what six months ago would have been unimaginable. His everlasting arms are holding you, providing strength for this journey. I’m thankful this was an encouragement to you! Hugs and love to you!


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